Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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