I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
