her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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