i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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