She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
