I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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