if i can run in heels then i can drive
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's blow job season.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
