you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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