As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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