I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
