I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
