you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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