worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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