It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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