I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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