eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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