trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
