Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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