She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
