I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
