If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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