My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
