Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
