so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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