Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
