A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
