I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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