In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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