the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
