so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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