The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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