I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
