don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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