Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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