everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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