Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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