why didn't you poke me back
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
