he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
