there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
