I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she looked like the before picture.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
