never play flip cup with pint glasses
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
