I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
