thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
