My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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