Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
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