Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have aggressive nipples.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
