please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
