He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
