I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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