You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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