you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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