no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
