just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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