This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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