Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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